Living Fit, Healthy and Happy

Curious Friendships

Dog and cat...
Michael ...
Buy This at Allposters.com

by

healthy_blogging

 

Whenever I see cats and dogs playing together instead of fighting one another, I feel amused and amazed. How can two species that are so often at each other's throat ever become friends? Yet examples of other uncommon friendships such as those between  elephants and sheep, wolves and deer, mice and birds demonstrate that friends can be as different from each other as night and day. *

Friendship holds different meanings to different people but genuine friendships are supported by mutual respect, affection and security. True friends stand as a bulwark against the hardships and trials of that are visited upon all of us at one time or another. True friends will neither cheat nor steal from each other, but instead will give selflessly of themselves. True friends will always back you up, telling you what you need to hear even if it's not always what you want to hear. In a word, true friendship is love.

When I think about the friendships between different animal species, I often ask myself If they can do it, why do humans find it so hard?

 

Giving you something to think about at the start of the day, Living Fit, Healthy and Happy provides health and wellness news for you and your family. Use the social media tools located at the bottom of this article and the left sidebar to tell your family and friends about us.

I'm living fit, healthy and happy. Are you?

"Curious Friendships" copyright 2011 Living Fit, Healthy and Happy. All Rights Reserved.

* This post highlights the value of friendship and was written prior to my knowledge about a strange pairing between a male ram and female deer in a Chinese zoo. Based solely on the details of the story, it's likely that the ram imprinted on the deer and unfortunately considers himself a member of their species. I agree with the zookeepers that mating between such distinct species is unethical and must not be permitted.

Google+

5 Keys to Recognize Friendship

5 Keys to Recognize Friendship
By Carla McNeil

What is a friend? I believe a friend gives advantage, not takes
advantage.

A friend can be many things: a partner, because two people
together, focused on the same goal/direction, are better than
one; someone who helps you, not beats you when you are down;
someone who is there in hard times to help you get through your
challenging situations; someone who protects you.

A friend doesn’t harp or gossip on things!! Who wants to be
reminded again and again of something one did wrong. We are all
human, we all err. Friends assist us with the situation, assist
us to grow and then move on. And then there is no gossiping
about it to others!

In my journey of personal development the biggest challenge has
been “friends”. I never realized there could be so many
different levels of friendship, I figured if you were my friend,
then you were my friend in everything. I was wrong and learned
many lessons the hard way.

A few years ago I took a 6 month contract away from my home
base. While I was away I found out that two of my “best” friends
had gotten together and had a bash-Carla fest. Then they both
had to tell on each other to me!! I was devastated – that,
however, was my most effective “training” event about
friendship.

From that experience, I learned about different levels of
friendship and that not everyone is going to be my best friend.
The price for that lesson was pretty high. It cost me two
friends, one that had been my friend for over 10 years. It was a
huge part of my lesson on “Letting Go”!!

I have found there are 5 ways to recognize True Friendship.

1) Friends will comfort and support you when trouble or
disaster shows up in your life

2) Friends are devoted to you, are loyal and willing to change
their plans just for you.

3) Friends love you no matter the situation or what you have
done. Through thick and thin they are still there. We have all
done something “stupid” in our life but we do not want to be
judged on that one action for the rest of our lives.

"A friend is a person who knows all about you, and still likes
you." Elbert Hubbard

4) Friends will speak constructively – even when it hurts. We
all know that we have behaviors, habits or actions that could
use a little improvement. After all we are human beings and to
“err is human”. It is the true friend who will let you know
about those challenges in a constructive way because they want
what is best for you. Remember friends give advantage. If done
in a constructive way without malice or cruel intent, it will
provide us the opportunity to become better people and improve
our own life.

5) Friends will help you. Have you ever asked for something and
had everyone run away? People who you thought were your friends?
Helping is giving advantage . I know when I help my friends that
it will be returned in kind. Maybe not from the same friend I
assisted but I know it will come from somewhere in my life.

Last week I had a friend tell me that something I had assisted
them with months ago is currently having a positive impact in
her life. She thanked me on a day where that positive feedback
was just what I needed!! I have found that it is always best to
be the first to offer that assistance. No sitting around waiting
for our friends to help us!! Who wants to have that kind of
friend?

Remember all five of these keys apply both ways. Are you being
all of these to your friends as well? We all need to evaluate
our friendships; some that we may have thought were good friends
could turn out to be acquaintances.

I used to think I had some real friends in my “job”. Turns out
in many cases I was wrong. When I answered these five questions
about some of my friends I was surprised that they were not as
close as I had originally thought.

The real deciding factor for me was “am I that kind of friend
for them?” When I was honest with myself and answered “No” it
was a very eye-opening experience. We must always remember what
we expect from our friends they have the right to expect from us
in return. Are your friends holding you back from retiring a
millionaire?

“A real friend is one who walks in, when the rest of the world
walks out. Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you “
Walter Winchell

Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place them in
their best light." Winston Churchill's mother, Jennie.

Send me an email at Carla@RetireWithCarla.com – let me know
what you liked best about this article. Is there a way that I
can assist you in your personal development? It would be my
pleasure to assist.

About the Author: Carla McNeil a HR Consultant. She spent 20+
years in the hospitality industry she realized that if she
continued doing what she was doing she would retire dead or dead
broke just like 97% of the population. Carla has now discovered
the beauty of a home based business.
http://www.RetireWithCarla.com Call me (778) 835-4032 You're
Invited To Terrific Tuesday Teleclass 1-218-486-7200 Bridge
549706 Every Tuesday at 5:30 Pacific Follow me on Twitter -
http://twitter.com/RetireWithCarla

Source: http://www.isnare.com

Permanent Link:
http://www.isnare.com/?aid=319376&ca=Relationships

Sleepy College Students Blame Others When Things Go Wrong

Female College Student Asleep on Open Books at Her Desk

Buy This Allposters.com

by

healthy_blogging

College students who don't get enough sleep are prone to blame others for their problems and to even plot revenge. This disturbing news was discussed during an academic presentation at SLEEP 2011, the 25th Anniversary Meeting of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies LLC (APSS).

David Mastin, chief research investigator and associate professor of psychology at the University of Arkansas at Little Rock, says that lack of sleep is associated with counterfactual thinking and thoughts about how past events could have turned out differently.

Sleepy people also have a tendency to imagine how the actions and behavior of others could have impacted their lives. But sleepy people don't consider their own role in the outcome of events. These counterfactual thoughts can take a dark turn. According to Mastin,"The sleepier people are, in this case college students, the more likely they are to engage in thinking about what could have been, called 'counterfunctional thinking', and to engage in more thoughts about displaced aggression."

Investigators arrived at these conclusions after gathering data from 108 college students with a mean age of twenty four years, three quarters of the participants were women. Subjects provided sociodemographic data and completed self-report questionnaires on sleepiness, counterfunctional thinking and displaced aggression. Data analysis found a positive correlation between angry rumination, behavioral displaced aggression and revenge planning.

But why are sleepy people so moody? Mastin said that "Sleepier people seem to engage in counterfactual thinking that is more dissatisfied and perhaps more selfish. It may be that the sleepier you are, the more likely your musings are to be angry thoughts about how others could have done better."

What Does This Mean To You?

Although the report didn't offer suggestions for improved sleep, Mastin and his colleagues could have implications for workplace relations and interpersonal relationships. Mastin said that the findings could even "lead to a greater understanding of emotional intelligence and suggest methods of coping."

Anything can cause people to lose sleep. College life isn't easy, to remain competitive, students study long into the night. But over the long term this can have a negative impact on academic performance, interpersonal relations and physical well-being (read my article "Get Some Sleep!" for tips on improving your sleep quality.)

If you've noticed that lack of sleep is affecting your ability to think clearly and to interact with others, talk to your doctor about it. We do much better after we've had a good night's rest.

Sign up for our newsletter to get important health and wellness news. I'm living fit, healthy and happy. Are you?

Article Source

American Academy of Sleep Medicine http://www.aasmnet.org/articles.aspx?id=2331

"Sleepy College Students Blame Others When Things Go Wrong" copyright 2011 Living Fit, Healthy and Happy. All Rights Reserved.

Google+

**

How Doing Good Can Enrich The Quality of Your Life

by

healthy_blogging

No man is an island unto himself. No matter how independent we may think we are, everyone needs others to survive. People need a sense of purpose. Meeting the basics of food, clothing and shelter are not enough to satisfy the need for human contact. People who lack a sense of purpose and belonging often become depressed, over time hopelessness sets in. To have a meaningful life we must have a healthy connection to others.

 

Why Participation In Social Activities Is So Important

When we're doing something useful it improves mental awareness and brain function. When we have something to look forward to, we become keenly aware of the important role that we play in the well-being of others. When we have a sense of community, we take better care of ourselves and think of ways to further help others. If you doubt that you have anything to offer to others, just remember that veryone has something that they can contribute to the greater good while helping themselves at the same time. There are many types of ways that you can improve the lives of others including

• neighborhood cleanup volunteer
• food drive participant
• mentor
• volunteer tutor
• human shelter volunteer
• animal shelter volunteer
• hospital volunteer

Keep in mind that this is just a short list; you can help out on a national, state, county or local level. For example, volunteer.gov is America's Natural and Cultural Resources Volunteer Portal that helps volunteers find matches between their requirements and choice of volunteer work. You should also visit the Corporation for National and Community Service website, that federal agency has the most complete list of volunteer information ever collected. You can learn about volunteering tips and ways that volunteering can benefit you and your community. Give them a look.

Getting involved with social activities is a great way to make new friends, boost confidence and overcome shyness. Working with others toward a common goal creates an incredible sense of accomplishment which adds quality to your life. Just remember to not over extend yourself, don't participate in more activities than you can handle. You want these activities to be fun, not a chore.

Now I turn it over to you? Do you enjoy helping others? What would you add to my list of volunteer activities? Share your thoughts in the comments.

 

"How Doing Good Can Enrich The Quality of Your Life" copyright 2011 Living Fit, Healthy and Happy. All Rights Reserved.

The Surprising Truth About Bullying And Bullies

The Surprising Truth About Bullying And Bullies
By Ruth Wells

So much attention is focused on bullying right now. In fact, in
our workshops, when we ask participants to identify the top
cause of school shootings, bullying is usually named.

There is no doubt that bullying is a huge problem in nearly any
setting where children and youth congregate, but you may not be
able to stop or moderate the bullying by focusing on that issue
alone. Yet, often that is what happens. When youth professionals
focus solely or primarily on bullying, it may be a bit like
seeing the forest but not the trees. Or, perhaps another
analogy-- one that might resonate especially well with mental
health workers-- is that a primary focus on bullying is a lot
like just focusing on an alcoholic's liquor consumption while
neglecting to address any of the factors that caused the
excessive drinking in the first place. Here is a completely
different way of viewing and addressing bullying, one that you
may find far more effective than conventional approaches that
focus on the symptom of bullying while often overlooking the
factors that cause and sustain it.

MYTH To address bullying, use character education or values
clarification approaches.

TRUTH While character education and values clarification
approaches can have merit, as a reader of this internet
magazine, hopefully you have learned that these methods always
fail with about 11-14% of youngsters. Do you remember the
information presented in past issues on this topic? If you have
been to our workshop, you definitely should know the truth on
this topic, because we devote hours to it during class. As any
of our workshop past participants should be able to tell you,
character ed and values clarification approaches will fail with
conduct disordered youth. These youngsters lack a conscience or
remorse, so character ed and values clarification methods simply
won't work at all since those methods require that the child be
able to care and have compassion. Since conduct disorders are
the most misbehaved students of all, they are also often the
bullies. Now, you know why conventional approaches may have
limited success reducing bullying.

MYTH Bullying is the primary cause of school shootings.

TRUTH The media loves simple, black and white explanations, and
this very simplistic sound bite is just not a very accurate or
thorough explanation. While some school shooters were partially
motivated by being bullied, to zero in on just the bullying
misses the point-- and misses the point on how to prevent an
incident. A more accurate way of viewing these youngsters who
shoot, is to note that they tend to be clinically depressed, and
that in addition to the bullying that they may endure, they are
very sad and extremely frustrated. Better than viewing them as
worn down by the bullying, it is far more accurate to view them
as worn down by many things. Let me explain why this distinction
is so important. This distinction is critical because it doesn't
require an act of bullying to set this child off. Like a
pressure cooker, this student is building up to blow. Certainly
bullying could be the thing that causes the blow up, but it
could be any event that lights the fuse. When you train your
attention on seriously depressed youth (who may be bullied a
lot, irregularly, or not at all) you can more readily and
precisely identify the youth who could some day explode.

Further, there may be other populations of youth who are
statistically far more likely to cause an extremely violent
incident. However, having three types of youngsters at risk of
extreme violence is a more complicated concept, and not one that
the media will necessarily capture for youth professionals.
Ironically, although you won't hear it in the media, the bullied
child is probably not the one who is at highest risk of extreme
violence. If you want to read the details on who are the three
highest risk populations, visit our web site at
http://www.youthchg.com/hottopic.html. Access to this article is
free, and can make a big difference in your understanding of
youth violence.

MYTH When teaching bullying prevention, keep the focus on the
bullying.

TRUTH While it is fine to focus directly on the bullying, if
you stop there, you may be unhappy with the results. To stick
with the analogy used earlier, it is like focusing on the amount
of liquor consumed rather than helping the alcoholic to learn
about self-medicating. In addition to teaching that bullying is
wrong, there needs to be a greater focus on teaching the skills
youngsters need to behave differently. Further, you need to
modify the skills of not just the bully, but also the victims
and peers. Typically, we do not necessarily provide specific
skill instruction to all three of those groups. The bully needs
training to learn new peer interaction skills, but so do the
victims and bystanders. If you focus solely on one or two of
those groups, you may not get the results you sought. Remember,
teaching skills does not mean re-stating expectations or rules.
Teaching skills means that you creatively and effectively show
students the exact skills that they need to be different. So,
for example, you might teach the bully some new "Opening Lines"
to use when initiating peer contact, perhaps aiding the
youngster to stop threatening, and instead say something less
aggressive.

Here are other key areas that are often not taught as part of
bullying prevention programs: personal space and distance,
interacting with peers who are different, managing hands and
other body parts, and how to avoid peer set-ups. There are many
more critical skill areas that often are overlooked and left
unaddressed. All unaddressed areas will be an endless source of
bullying problems so be sure you cover it all.

MYTH You can't significantly reduce the aggressiveness of
youngsters who come out of homes and neighborhoods that are very
violent.

TRUTH Just because a child is raised around hitting, screaming
and threats, does not condemn that youngster to be that way.
Certainly, teaching peaceful behavior is a much more difficult
task when a student's dad is threatening and coercing his
offspring, but it is not the law that children raised in
violence inevitably will be violent. Part of the problem is that
youth professionals still use one-size-fits-all methods to work
with students. Students are not all the same, and until
professionals learn to choose different methods for different
types of students, then it may seem that "nothing works" with
some out-of-control youngsters. In reality, there are methods
that can make a huge difference helping children raised in
violence to forgo aggression, but first, youth professionals
must start using these more targeted, sophisticated approaches.
Often, when "nothing works," you are working with a conduct
disordered child, and switching to a different set of tools can
make a huge difference. Sadly, only mental health workers are
usually taught to take this step, and other youth professionals
are often not provided this vital information-- information that
can literally change the future for many youngsters.

About the Author: Get much more information on this topic at
http://www.youthchg.com. Author Ruth Herman Wells MS is the
director of Youth Change, (http://www.youthchg.com.) Sign up for
her free Problem-Kid Problem-Solver magazine at the site and see
hundreds more of her innovative methods. Ruth is the author of
dozens of books and provides workshops and training.

Source: http://www.isnare.com

Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=12940&ca=Education

Aging And Friendship

Aging And Friendship
By Royane Real

When I was twenty-two, I was befriended by a woman named Doris
who was thirty years older than I was.  Although Doris was then
a fifty-two year old woman, she did not feel it was
inappropriate to befriend me.  She did not operate with the
social belief that she should choose her friends only from
people her own age.  

We became very close friends and remained so until her death at
the age of eight-two.

When Doris turned seventy-five, she was already widowed.  The
week she turned seventy-five, Doris threw two birthday parties
for herself, one on a Wednesday night, and one on Saturday.
Over thirty different people attended each party.  I was the
only person invited to both.  In all, about seventy of Doris’
friends came that week to celebrate her birthday.  On both
nights many people stayed until past one in the morning. 

As I looked around the room at both parties that week in
amazement, I noticed that the people attending her birthday
parties were of all ages.  They included toddlers, teens,
middle-aged people, and the elderly.  

Doris had never restricted herself to making friends only
within her own age group.  She had always made it a point to
befriend people of all ages.  Consequently, she did not suffer
the same social fate so many elderly people face when their
circle of same-age friends starts to dwindle from sickness and
death.  

I hoped that when I was the same age as Doris that I would be
able to have as many friends and acquaintances gathered to help
celebrate my birthday.

I didn’t know any other people her age who could throw two
birthday parties in one week, and have seventy people show up.
I wondered how Doris had made so many friends.  She had never
been wealthy, but over the years Doris and her husband had made
a practice of opening their hearts and their home to many
people.  They not only befriended a lot of people and maintained
those friendships over the years, but they also befriended the
children of their friends, and stayed friends with the younger
generation.  

I noticed that whenever I brought some of my own friends with
me to visit Doris, she never treated my friends as expendable
people that she would never see again.  She was gracious and
kind and interested in all of them.  Her caring about each human
being was always apparent.  

When we finished our visit, Doris would often extend an
invitation to the friends I had brought to come and visit her
again, and many of them did so.

When she issued invitations Doris never seemed as if she were
inviting people because she was lonely or desperate for company.

Her invitations were always genuinely joyful.  She loved
meeting people and wanted to see them again.

As Doris neared the end of her life, she became very ill and
very poor.  Yet, she never lacked for love and support from the
many friends she had kept making throughout her whole life.

I learned something important that week at Doris’ two birthday
parties.  I realized that we make a big mistake if we tell young
and middle-aged people to invest their money for their old age,
but neglect to tell them that it is at least as important to
invest in relationships with other people.  

We make a mistake if we don’t tell people that it is just as
important to invest kindness in the people we meet, and invest
our interest in them.  There are other kinds of investment
accounts besides those that are held by banks.  A big bank
account won’t make up for loneliness in your old age.  

I decided that if I wanted to have as many friends as Doris
did, I would have to keep making friends and keep maintaining
friendships my whole life.  I would have to make friends with
people of all ages, including those much younger and much older
than me.

Older people confront unique challenges in trying to maintain a
satisfying social life.  Many people find it difficult to make
new friends as they get older. 

As people age they often face social, health and monetary
challenges.  Older people may become less physically mobile.
They often have less money to spend on recreation and
entertainment.  

Older people are also more likely to suffer from depression.
They may be physically frail and afraid to go out at night.
Even if they remain healthy themselves, aging people experience
the deaths of long time friends and spouses, resulting in a
shrinking circle of social and emotional support. 

In the modern western world, older people are often treated as
if their usefulness is finished, and as if what they have to say
is not really relevant to the young.  A lot of older people are
shocked to discover when they retire at the age of sixty or
sixty-five, that the friendships they thought had developed at
work do not survive the retirement party.  

In many modern societies, older people are socially
marginalized, and left to socialize solely with each other.
People in North America are much more segregated along age lines
than people in some other parts of the world.  In North America,
teenagers tend to socialize with other teenagers, and older
people are expected to make friends with other older people. 

No matter where you live, or what your age, you do not need to
follow your local society’s dictates about what age your friends
should be.  You do not need to restrict yourself to making
friends only with your own age group.  

If you are concerned that you may be lonely in your later
years, the time to start doing something about it is now, no
matter what your current age might be.  As you grow older, make
sure you stay living in the present, not in the past.  

In your conversations with others, don’t be fixated on who you
used to be, or on your current ailments.  Be willing to make
many social approaches to others, no matter what the outcome.
Stay interested in the current world, stay optimistic, and keep
a youthful, open mind.

About the Author: This article is taken from the new book by
Royane Real titled "How You Can Have All the Friends You Want -
Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and
Keeping Friends"  If you want to improve your friendships and
social life, download it today at www.royanereal.com

Source: http://www.isnare.com

Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=1908&ca=Aging

The Effects of Loneliness and Idleness

The Effects of Loneliness and Idleness
By CD Mohatta

A time of loneliness and idleness might happen after a divorce,
the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, after children have
left the home, or following trauma. Prolonged isolation and
idleness usually deteriorates our mental health. Worry,
depression, and regret often fill the void that company and
activity used to fill.

If you find yourself in a situation where you are suddenly more
alone, your routines have been disrupted and you have time on
your hands, it is important to establish new friendships and
routines as soon as possible.

Work outside the home and volunteering are some of the best
choices you can make. When our time has structure a lot of
things fall into place. Just having to dress, leave the home,
and be somewhere by a certain time will help you. It will give
you other things to think about and the opportunity to meet new
people. Contact with others prevents stagnation and gives us the
human contact we all need. If you are looking for work and the
process will take time, volunteer in the meanwhile. Don't worry
about having to quit when you get work. Get involved in
something now. Helping others is a good way to feel you are
contributing to the world.

Finding social groups is a wonderful way of making friends. Ask
at the library about where to find a book club, writers club,
soccer group, yoga class, foreign language group, gardening
club, support group, church, or anything that is of interest to
you. Some possibilities may be in the form of classes, but other
activities might be completely free. You might even consider
returning to college or night school. Make use of your time and
get yourself among people, particularly in situations where
you'll need to talk to others. In this way you'll soon find
yourself feeling of better mental health.

What to do about loneliness?

Most of us get lonely from time to time. Sometimes we get sad
because we miss a particular person or wish we had someone to
love us and share our lives. For immediate relief, even in the
middle of the night, it helps to get busy with a project.

A lot of times when we feel lonely for some reason we're
reluctant to call old friends or new acquaintances, to go out,
or invite people over. But if you wish to remove loneliness from
your life, you will have to put in regular effort to communicate
and be social. Make a commitment now that you will make a daily
effort to improve your relationships.

Make a list of the important people in your life. Would you
like to have better relationships with them? Then you need to
put in regular effort. Call at least one person every day, or
set aside quality time with your family. You might set up one
night a week or month to have a meal with family you don’t live
with. Make it a goal to have about a dozen most important people
in your life. If you don’t have that many, that is not unusual.
But start rekindling old relationships and make an effort to
find some new friends you can spend time with. Be good to your
friends and relatives with a kind words and offering help.
Respecting what others want will help you to improve your
relationships.

Remember that you are always loved. Sometimes the people we
want to spend time with are not available at this time, but that
doesn’t mean they don’t care for us.

Make room in your life for people. If you want to attract a
mate, make physical space in your home for someone to move in.
Make room for friends to come over and do things or share a
meal. Make time in your schedule to date and socialize. Make
room in your opinions and communication for sharing with others.

About the Author: The author writes text messages and advises
for internet and social networking content like myspace quotes -
http://www.wishafriend.com/quotes/ and myspace comments-
http://www.wishafriend.com/ac/ He also writes quizzes on
subjects like personality at http://www.funquizcards.com/

Source: http://www.isnare.com

Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=423634&ca=Self+Help

Shyness and Social Anxiety Treatment Guide

Shyness and Social Anxiety Treatment Guide
By Mark Thomas Walters

Shyness and social anxiety can be very detrimental to the
quality of the lives of those who suffer from them. They are
not, however, mutually exclusive of one another, and one may
point to the existence of the other. If you suffer from social
anxiety, then you will display symptoms of shyness, but you can
display symptoms of shyness, even quite severe ones, without
actually having a social anxiety disorder.

Being shy is actually not that uncommon at all, and most people
suffer from it at some point in their life. Social anxiety on
the other hand manifests itself in a variety of ways that does
not only include shyness. People often find it hard to
differentiate between the two, so lets now look at the
underlying characteristics of each of them, with the intention
of making it easier.

Lets take a young girl being presented by her parents to a
young boy as an example. The young girl will often feel shy and
find it difficult to talk freely in front of the young boy. If
she suffered from social phobia, she would first refuse to even
meet the boy, then on being made to, she would say nothing to
him, and then she would make an excuse to leave as soon as
possible. So, social anxiety is really just an extreme
amplification of the symptoms of shyness.

Still, though social anxiety can be described as an amplified
form of shyness, shyness is often not the best indicator than
someone has social anxiety. Thus, for shyness to be a milder
form of social anxiety, the subject must exhibit other
characteristics related to social anxiety. For example, someone
suffering from social anxiety often trembles and physically
cannot say words properly.

If the young girl in the example was only shy, that it is
unlikely that she would be a social anxiety sufferer. Shyness is
different from social anxiety in that it can be treated with
constant exposure and repetitive contact with groups of people.
A similar can, be not always, be effective in treating social
anxiety too. A person who fears being in a social situation may
exhibit a different attitude with regards to social settings
when the social venue is expanded slowly. Thus it may be good to
expose the subject to a small group of 1 to 2 people and then
when the subject shows willingness, the group may then be placed
in a slightly larger group composed of 3 or more people.

The good news is that both shyness and social anxiety are now
treatable, as not so long ago medical professionals did not
really know how to deal with them. If shyness or social anxiety
are a problem for you then you should not hesitate to ask for
help. There are proven methods and techniques available that
have worked on even severe sufferers, so you can rest assured
that however bad you think your problem is, there is hope for
you.

It is important that you take action if you are affected by
these problems, so do not delay in asking for help.

About the Author: Read On : http://www.improvemyselfesteem.org

Source: http://www.isnare.com

Permanent Link:
http://www.isnare.com/?aid=524204&ca=Medicines+and+Remedies

Bullies

They're Not Just A Schoolyard Problem

 

by

healthy_blogging

During the past decade an alarming increase in school shootings around the country put the spotlight on bullying and violence in our nation's schools. But in reality, the act of bullying is as old as human nature.

According to one statistic, nearly 30 % of American children are either bullies or the target of bullying (1). This problem is not limited to children alone; not surprisingly, millions of adults admit that they are the targets of bullying at work (2). One report found that 54 million workers have been harassed in the workplace (3). Bullying is counterproductive to a healthy lifestyle.

Without positive intervention, bullying may have long term effects on the health and well-being of the targets of this behavior and even the bullies themselves. In this article I will discuss some of the underlying reasons behind bullying and provide suggestions for preventing it.

In light of recent media events about bullying in K-12 schools and college campuses, this is the best and most appropriate time to publish an article on this topic. So I want to hear from you, in the comments section immediately following this article, post your ideas and suggestions for what we as a people can do to prevent bullying.


What Causes Bullying?


People are often targeted because of race, gender, socioeconomic status, physical/mental condition, age or religion. There is never any specific reason why some people choose to harass others.

But some of the most common reasons are that sometimes bullies have problems at home and lash out at others to relieve their own pain; or the bully may suffer from low self - esteem and the only way to feel better about himself/herself is to make fun of someone else; the bullying is acting on peer pressure (making someone else a target of harassment in order to make one's own life easier); envy i.e. harassing others because the bully wants what he/she does not have.

One explanation that is often not mentioned is actually the worst reason of all: simply taking pleasure in the suffering of others. However, none of these reasons matter to a person who is on the receiving end of mistreatment at the hands of someone else. This often leaves people to wonder why some people are more easily targeted for harassment than others? That is what I will discuss in the next section.



Humans Can Sense Fear In Others


Most human communication is nonverbal; body posture and facial expression are two of the greatest indicators of mood. Various research data shows that humans can sense fear in others (4,5,6). We are able to recognize the facial expressions of others and fear is more easily picked up on than happiness or even neutral faces (4).

What this means is that if you are afraid, oftentimes it's going to be written all over your face. Moreover, when a person is unhappy or lacking confidence he/she tends to hunch over, slump his/her shoulders and/or avoid eye contact. Any of these nonverbal cues can be picked up by bullies who will then seek to exploit them.

What happens next is that the bully will bring attention to whatever it is that the target of their harassment is feeling at the time. Because people experiencing high stress maybe more anxious or sensitive than others, the bullying can have an immediate effect on the targeted person. The result is that the person who is being bullied is likely to feel even more afraid, and/or self conscious than he/she already was. They would show it, and the bully would then continue the harassment thus creating an ongoing cycle that will continue until it is broken.

Bearing all of this in mind, since there are non-verbal cues that some people use to mistreat others, it also stands to reason that there are nonverbal behaviors that can be used to ascertain if a person is being harassed. That is what I will discuss in the next section.


 

Tell Tale Signs Of Bullying


In the previous section I pointed out that humans communicate non-verbally; nonverbal communication will convey more information than one could provide verbally. Therefore, if we know what to look for it is possible to recognize when a person maybe getting bullied. Some signs include:

• sudden reluctance to go to school or work
• lack of enthusiasm for participating in activities
• sudden change in mood or behavior
• negative and/or berating talk
• not wanting to be left by himself/herself
• avoid going to the restroom
• anxiety
• changes in sleep pattern
• decline in work performance

Kidscape (7) offers a number of warning signs to watch out for including:

• doing poorly in school
• have nightmares/cry themselves to sleep
• attempt or express feelings of suicide
• ask for money (paying extortion to the bully)
• begin to bully others
• become unresponsive when asked what is wrong
• become anxious or distressed and stop eating
• regularly coming home with damaged clothing, and school supplies

And there are signs that your child, co worker or someone you know maybe a bully. Some of the warning signs that About.com (8) suggests we watch for are:

• obsession with violent themes
• preoccupation with firearms
• lack of remorse for others
• act superior to others and justify their behavior toward others
• make violent threats
• quick to anger

Bullying pays a physical and emotional toll on the target of harassment. Medical studies have found that bullying can lead to abdominal pain, anxiety, depression, sleeping problems, feelings of insecurity, etc. (9).

Bullying, which is a negative stressor, will activate the body's "fight or flight" response. "Fight or flight" is a complex series of neurophysiological reactions that protect the body from dangers in the environment.

For example, stress activates the hypothalamus to release adrenocorticotropic hormone which signals the release of adrenaline and cortisol (10). Prolonged exposure to bullying will have an adverse effect on many systems of the body including higher brain centers such as the hippocampus, a component of the brain that is involved in long term memory (11).

Damage to the hippocampal region would impair higher cognitive functions which would hinder a person's ability to perform optimally at school or at work. Bearing all of this in mind, it becomes that much more difficult to dismiss bullying as a trivial problem.

Now that we know some of the causes and warning signs of bullying behavior, we need to know what can be done to prevent it. The rest of this article will focus on defense against bullying.


Defense Against Bullying

Some people offer up band aid solutions to the problem of bullying such as "ignore the bullying and he/she will go away", "go tell your boss or teacher", "make friends with the bully" but in truth these suggestions are not always practical or effective especially if teachers and/or employers are unable to or unwilling to help.

Another popular solution to protecting yourself or a loved one against a bully is to join a gym and become big and strong. The reasoning behind this is that a display of strength will likely be more than enough to deter a bully because when push comes to shove, most people prefer to avoid confrontation-especially when the opponent is larger or stronger than they are. Depending on the situation, this could actually solve the problem.

But what about those who are physically disabled e.g. wheelchair bound, visually impaired, severely obese or underweight, neuromuscular impairments, etc.- people who maybe targets of bullying because of their uniqueness? (Conversely, what if the bully happens to be a person of one of the aforementioned groups?) A person does not have to be physically strong to be strong.

In other words, it is strength of character and strength of spirit which are the greatest defenses against bullying and intimidation. If you display self confidence then it is virtually impossible for a bully to defeat you.

Genuine self confidence comes from a deep rooted and unwavering sense of self-worth. If you believe in yourself, bullies maybe less inclined to harass you because they will not be able to arouse you to fear.

That being said, some people will still pick on you or attempt to gradually increase the level and degree of harassment. Such is the case when dealing with persons who want to break you. These people do not go away so easily but that doesn't mean that they can not be defeated.

Occasionally the media will present the remarkable ordeals of prisoners of war. These men and women endured incredible mental and physical hardship at the hands of captors who sought to break their spirit. How did these people survive? They held onto hope and self-confidence. You see, once a person breaks you, they have won.

The key to defeating a bully is to always remember that your life is valuable, it is the single most precious gift that you will ever receive and as such you have a responsibility to develop your life to its fullest potential. Your life is your own, it does not belong to the bully or anyone else. Therefore, think about the things you want to accomplish in your life, and make a promise to yourself that you will fulfill those plans.

The reason why you have those goals is because you already know that your life is important and that you deserve to succeed. So when you focus on what you want to do- always remaining cognizant of your self-worth- you know that you have what it takes to overcome any obstacle. The bully is unhappy in his/her life, even if they may appear to be popular in school or at work something is missing in their lives and character.

You defeat them every time you do something positive for yourself, every time you return to school, every time you earn a good grade on a test, make a sale, sing a song, create a beautiful drawing in art class or tool in wood/metal shop. Never give up on things that you enjoy as these are expressions of your personality and self-worth. When you continue to do your best you will have already beaten the bully. Finally, always remember that bad things don't necessarily last, you can surpass them if you really have the determination and the drive to do so.

No person is superior or inferior to another person, no one is better or worse than another. No matter how bad things get, no matter what names you are called or how you are treated, you must always remember your self worth. You were not born to be sad, or to fail, wither away and die. Instead, all people are born to life, to know, to feel and to aspire for better things and to get what it is we set out to achieve. That is why you are you.

In addition to the above, there are additional ways that you can do to protect yourself:

• keep a detailed record of your performance at school or work as this may come in handy should you decide to pursue civil litigation against the bully, employer or school district
• notify a teacher or superior about the bullying
• keep any and all written correspondence or items pertaining to the incident of harassment for possible future litigation
• do not engage the bully in an argument as it only fuels the situation

Most larger employers will have employee conduct handbooks which contain information about what is expected of the employees of the company. Keep a current copy of the handbook for your reference, and adhere to the rules found therein.

If you are later challenged on your behavior or work performance as a result of harassment, you can refer to it when preparing a defense against the accusation as well as when bringing a complaint against your employer.

You should also be aware that reporting a grievance to your human resources department may or may not be resolved in your favor. This is because employers are first and foremost concerned about productivity and earnings.

If they deem an employee(s) to be interfering with this, they will seek to protect themselves. That is why it is important to keep a record of what happens at the workplace.

All employers must adhere to state and federal regulations regarding conduct of employees, so even if you work for a small company, you and your employer are legally bound by the rules of your state and the federal government. Get a copy of these regulations from your state department of labor or the US Department of Labor.


What You Can Do About

I'm concluding this article with an invitation to everyone including teachers, health care professionals, attorneys, caregivers, workers, concerned citizens, etc. to get involved in the discussion. Bullying is a problem that affects most of us in one way or another because either we or someone whom we know has experienced it.

That is why you're reading this article. So post your comments and opinions about the matter of bullying and how you feel it can be combated. Tell us what works and what doesn't.
There must be no place or tolerance for bullying behavior anywhere in the world.

By opening up a dialogue that brings together people from so many diverse backgrounds and experiences we can do much to curtail this problem. With so many other things happening in the world, another major headline about school or workplace violence is one the world does not need.

 

References

1. http://www.safeyouth.org/scripts/faq/bullying.asp

2. "When The Bully Sits in the Next Cubicle". http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/25/health/25well.html

3. "Business Insight: Bullying thrives in the workplace, especially in a downturn." http://www.workplacebullying.org/2009/08/17/sltrib/#more-1484

4. "Humans perceive others' fear faster than other emotions". http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2007-10/vu-hpo101007.php#

5. "Humans Can Sense 'Smell Of Fear' In Sweat, Psychologist Says". ScienceDaily. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/03/090306142536.htm

6. "Humans Respond to Scent of Fear". http://www.livescience.com/health/090310-fear-scent.html

7. "Possible Signs of Bullying." http://www.kidscape.org.uk/parents/signsof.shtml

8. "Bullying in Schools - Recognizing School Bullying." http://learningdisabilities.about.com/od/instructionalmaterials/p/serousbullies.htm

9. "Physical and Emotional Impact of Schoolyard Bullies." http://www.drgreene.com/21_262.html

10. Dickson, W.H. and Klemm,W.R. 1993. Dukes' Physiology of Domestic Animals. Cornell University.

11. Hippocampus. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippocampus

"Bullies: They're Not Just A Schoolyard Problem" copyright 2009, 2010 Living Fit, Healthy and Happy. All Rights Reserved.

Flashbacks From the Schoolyard: How to Handle Bullies at Work

Flashbacks From the Schoolyard: How to Handle Bullies at Work

By Joni Johnston

For every harassment complaint I’ve helped resolve, I've dealt with ten incidences involving the equal opportunity jerk. The boss who constantly criticizes, demeans, and undermines his employees. The supervisor who takes delight overworking and exploiting subordinates. The employee who taunts and intimidates his coworkers. In short, the workplace bully.



Unfortunately, you can’t send your workplace bully to the headmaster or make him stay in for recess. The good news is that, as a human resource professional, you have the power to implement the necessary strategies to prevent and/or alleviate bullying in your workplace. In this article, we’ll look at how you can use policies, hiring, and top management support to create a bully-free workplace.



Beating Up the Bottom Line



It’s easy to think that rudeness or incivility is an inevitable part of people working together; after all, who hasn’t been snapped at by a stressed-out boss or coworker?



But bullying is not occasional rudeness or incivility, nor is it a misguided attempt to get things done through tough management. Bullying is an ongoing and systematic campaign of interpersonal destruction. It tends to be an accumulation of many incidences over a long period of time which, taken together, these instances add up to persistent, abusive behavior designed to make the target feel upset, humiliated and threatened.



According to the U.S. Hostile Workforce Survey 2000, the most popular bullying tactics include:



• blaming others for errors

• raising false concerns about or criticizing the work of others

• making unreasonable demands

• yelling and screaming

• threats of job loss, insult, or put-downs

• inconsistent enforcement of arbitrary rules

• social exclusion

• stealing credit for another’s work



Bullying/general hostility is 4 times more prevalent than illegal discrimination and harassment. In fact, a February 2000 study funded by the British Occupational Health Research Foundation revealed that out of 5300 employees in 70 organizations, 47% reported witnessing bullying in the past five years, 1 in 10 said they’d been bullied in the last six months, and 1 in 4 said they’d been bullied in the past five years.



Bullying Versus Harassment



Unlike illegal forms of harassment and discrimination, bullying isn’t directed at a person because of his or her religion, gender, age, race or other demographic variable. S/he isn’t interested in obtaining sexual favors or dominating a vulnerable group. In fact, the target of bullying is most likely to be selected because of her popularity and competence, which is perceived as a direct threat to the bully.



Unlike a sexual harasser’s need to take advantage of someone in a vulnerable position, bullying is an effort to control a threat (and prevent exposure of inadequacy). Unlike the power motive behind harassment and discrimination, envy and jealousy are the primary drivers of bullying behavior. And, unlike the racial slurs or sexual comments found in illegal forms of harassment, workplace bullying tends to appear as petty criticism, the withholding of critical information, and/or false allegations of underperformance.



Another difference between generic bullying versus hostility directed at a protected class are the available legal remedies. Discrimination law does not cover bullying. If the behavior does not have a sexual, racial or physical component, U.S. laws aren’t set up to deal with an incompetent or cruel supervisor bullying a subordinate.



However, bullies may not completely escape the long arm of the law. More and more stress-related workman’s comp claims and intentional infliction of emotional distress lawsuits because of workplace bullying. A few years ago, two employees in Texas were awarded $250,000 in damages after a supervisor continually yelled at them, put his head down and “charged at them like a bull,” and made at least one employee wear a sign that said “I quit.”



Spotting The Bully at Work



Given the statistics of workplace bullying, chances are that there is at least one bully poisoning your organization. Here are three ways you can begin to assess how bully-tolerant your work environment currently is:



1. Conduct an anonymous employee satisfaction survey, asking questions specifically about employee experiences of common bullying tactics.



2. Conduct regular exit interviews and ask specifically about interpersonal problems that might have led to their resignation.



3. Keep track of turnover statistics by department, by manager, and by unit. As the old saying goes, numbers don’t lie. In this situation, they might be telling the truth about a bully in your midst.



Is the Finger Pointing Back at You?



“You’ve got to sit on people to get the job done.” “If you don’t boss people around, they don’t respect you.” “We run a tough ship around here.” How many times have these kinds of arguments been used to justify inappropriate management conduct? Worse yet, how many times has it been rewarded?



A study that looked at predictors of job satisfaction across cultures found that the quality of the employee/supervisor relationship was one of two consistent factors across twenty countries. Employees who feel supported, encouraged, and treated fairly by their direct supervisors develop a sense of organizational commitment. Yet, while at least fifty percent of all turnovers are due to poor management practices, the mythical link between inappropriate behavior and productivity still lingers. If your corporate environment seems to be stuck in survival-of-the-fittest mode, it may be time to work with senior management on assessing your corporate values and realigning them with the realities of today’s workplace.



There’s another way your corporate environment can unintentionally foster bullying – through job strain. One of the most common problems I encounter is the situational bully, i.e., the valuable manner who, because of an excessive workload or unrealistic deadline, becomes a domineering tyrant. If you observe an increase in inappropriate workplace behavior, do a little investigating to see what’s underneath and what you can do about it.



If your business is cyclical for example, consider partnering with an EAP program before your busy season and offer self-development seminars on coping with stress, time management, and other helpful topics. If the behavior seems to occur primarily in new managers, reevaluate your management development program to see where communication skills are lacking. Supervisors are often promoted because of their technical expertise and, if they lack the management skills to be effective leaders, can resort to bullying in an attempt to establish authority. And, while there are likely to be a few bad apples in every bunch, some inappropriate workplace behavior is a symptom of a deeper corporate problem – one worth finding and fixing.



Don’t Forget to Put It in Writing



Workplace policies rarely work unless the behaviors they request are supported and modeled by senior management. When they are, they become a powerful communicator of your company’s values and priorities. Not only do they set clear expectations of what behavior is expected, they communicate a certain tone that tells employees how senior management views them.



A workplace conduct policy, when consistently enforced, can communicate the message that employees are as valuable as customers – and should be treated with the same respect. Given that there is a direct link between customer satisfaction and employee satisfaction, perhaps this message is consistent with reality. While an extensive discussion on policy development is beyond the scope of this article, here are six guidelines to help you get started crafting your workplace conduct policy:



• Outlines clear examples of what workplace conduct violates the policy

• Details the disciplinary procedures for policy violation.

• Provide a procedure for reporting and investigating concerns about workplace behavior.

• Outlines guidelines for multiple channels of reporting to individuals who feel the policy has been violated.

• Assures complainants that the matters will be treated as confidentially as possible and that no one will be punished for reporting a workplace conduct violation.

•Begins with a message from your CEO, who expresses employees’ rights to be treated with dignity and respect, and who links the policy to the bottom line and to company values.



Taking a Stand



Like it or not, it’s impossible for corporations to take a neutral position regarding workplace bullying. To your employees, ignoring it is condoning it. And a policy is no substitute for people; the best antibullying policy will be viewed with skepticism if your corporate culture rewards bullying managers.



The good news is that you’re in a valuable position to beef up the company’s bottom line. Eliminating inappropriate workplace behavior will reduce turnover, increase job satisfaction, and help your organization get back some of the 18 million work days lost each year because of it. At a time when human resources are increasingly being asked to justify their existence, the opportunity to show the bottom line impact of your efforts is something worth shouting about. Just don’t do it at work.



About the Author: Joni E. Johnston, Psy.D. is President and CEO of WorkRelationships (http://www.workrelationships.com), a cutting edge employee relations/compliance training and consulting firm.



Source: www.isnare.com

Permanent Link: http://www.isnare.com/?aid=377309&ca=Business+Management