Aging And Friendship
By Royane Real
When I was twenty-two, I was befriended by a woman named Doris
who was thirty years older than I was. Although Doris was then
a fifty-two year old woman, she did not feel it was
inappropriate to befriend me. She did not operate with the
social belief that she should choose her friends only from
people her own age.
We became very close friends and remained so until her death at
the age of eight-two.
When Doris turned seventy-five, she was already widowed. The
week she turned seventy-five, Doris threw two birthday parties
for herself, one on a Wednesday night, and one on Saturday.
Over thirty different people attended each party. I was the
only person invited to both. In all, about seventy of Doris’
friends came that week to celebrate her birthday. On both
nights many people stayed until past one in the morning.
As I looked around the room at both parties that week in
amazement, I noticed that the people attending her birthday
parties were of all ages. They included toddlers, teens,
middle-aged people, and the elderly.
Doris had never restricted herself to making friends only
within her own age group. She had always made it a point to
befriend people of all ages. Consequently, she did not suffer
the same social fate so many elderly people face when their
circle of same-age friends starts to dwindle from sickness and
death.
I hoped that when I was the same age as Doris that I would be
able to have as many friends and acquaintances gathered to help
celebrate my birthday.
I didn’t know any other people her age who could throw two
birthday parties in one week, and have seventy people show up.
I wondered how Doris had made so many friends. She had never
been wealthy, but over the years Doris and her husband had made
a practice of opening their hearts and their home to many
people. They not only befriended a lot of people and maintained
those friendships over the years, but they also befriended the
children of their friends, and stayed friends with the younger
generation.
I noticed that whenever I brought some of my own friends with
me to visit Doris, she never treated my friends as expendable
people that she would never see again. She was gracious and
kind and interested in all of them. Her caring about each human
being was always apparent.
When we finished our visit, Doris would often extend an
invitation to the friends I had brought to come and visit her
again, and many of them did so.
When she issued invitations Doris never seemed as if she were
inviting people because she was lonely or desperate for company.
Her invitations were always genuinely joyful. She loved
meeting people and wanted to see them again.
As Doris neared the end of her life, she became very ill and
very poor. Yet, she never lacked for love and support from the
many friends she had kept making throughout her whole life.
I learned something important that week at Doris’ two birthday
parties. I realized that we make a big mistake if we tell young
and middle-aged people to invest their money for their old age,
but neglect to tell them that it is at least as important to
invest in relationships with other people.
We make a mistake if we don’t tell people that it is just as
important to invest kindness in the people we meet, and invest
our interest in them. There are other kinds of investment
accounts besides those that are held by banks. A big bank
account won’t make up for loneliness in your old age.
I decided that if I wanted to have as many friends as Doris
did, I would have to keep making friends and keep maintaining
friendships my whole life. I would have to make friends with
people of all ages, including those much younger and much older
than me.
Older people confront unique challenges in trying to maintain a
satisfying social life. Many people find it difficult to make
new friends as they get older.
As people age they often face social, health and monetary
challenges. Older people may become less physically mobile.
They often have less money to spend on recreation and
entertainment.
Older people are also more likely to suffer from depression.
They may be physically frail and afraid to go out at night.
Even if they remain healthy themselves, aging people experience
the deaths of long time friends and spouses, resulting in a
shrinking circle of social and emotional support.
In the modern western world, older people are often treated as
if their usefulness is finished, and as if what they have to say
is not really relevant to the young. A lot of older people are
shocked to discover when they retire at the age of sixty or
sixty-five, that the friendships they thought had developed at
work do not survive the retirement party.
In many modern societies, older people are socially
marginalized, and left to socialize solely with each other.
People in North America are much more segregated along age lines
than people in some other parts of the world. In North America,
teenagers tend to socialize with other teenagers, and older
people are expected to make friends with other older people.
No matter where you live, or what your age, you do not need to
follow your local society’s dictates about what age your friends
should be. You do not need to restrict yourself to making
friends only with your own age group.
If you are concerned that you may be lonely in your later
years, the time to start doing something about it is now, no
matter what your current age might be. As you grow older, make
sure you stay living in the present, not in the past.
In your conversations with others, don’t be fixated on who you
used to be, or on your current ailments. Be willing to make
many social approaches to others, no matter what the outcome.
Stay interested in the current world, stay optimistic, and keep
a youthful, open mind.
About the Author: This article is taken from the new book by
Royane Real titled "How You Can Have All the Friends You Want -
Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and
Keeping Friends" If you want to improve your friendships and
social life, download it today at
www.royanereal.com Source:
http://www.isnare.comPermanent Link:
http://www.isnare.com/?aid=1908&ca=Aging
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